All the Time

I feel truly connected with my children for the first time ever. It’s an unspoken language.

It’s felt in the heart.

Advertisements

As I prepared dinner tonight, the girls keep asking me what they can do to help. Yes they are getting older, and more responsible, but this is different. They want to be around me, to just be there right next to me, it’s a different feeling…

Since really becoming more in tune with my true self, I am connecting with my girls in a completely different way. I am so much more present with them. It’s hard to explain, but I can just feel it.

I’m not just there…I’m “there”

I talk to them differently.

I feel like I’m not just their mum anymore, but a teacher and a spirit to guide them. I talk to them about life, not just their day. I’ve never really spoken to them on this kind of level before, it’s just coming out of me.

I’m talking directly to their spirits.

Because at their young age, that’s all they are. Beautiful beings with only love in their hearts.

I feel truly connected with my children for the first time ever. It’s an unspoken language.

It’s felt in the heart.

I have so much of myself to give them and they are gravitating towards that.  I’m not just going through the motions of everyday life anymore.

I’m seeing my life for each and every moment it is. My heart is so open.

Even though I’ve come from complete darkness, and that was their reality for a period of time, I’m now radiating light within, and out to them.

I couldn’t be happier that I can give them my light.

Taking the time I needed to connect back with the “real me” has been a phenomenal experience. Finding my purpose and love in my heart has given me a full heart to share.

As I now embark on my ‘big meaningful work’, I realised I am not just impacting the greater world as I know it, but my family. Knowing that I’m the role model to the girls I’ve always wanted to be, fills me with complete joy…

And I feel like I have the full potency to do that today and for every day going forward.

Every day I wake and I’m that shining light for those two beautiful souls, is another day of true fulfillment.  To fill their hearts with that light to embrace their world too.

I never knew this was what life could be.

To live and breathe your big meaningful work every day. My legacy in this lifetime will never be forgotten because it will forever live in them.

All because I made the decision to find the light within me.

And as I tucked them both into their bed tonight, Ella says to me…

“Mummy, I love you all the time”… and Ada says

“Yeah Mummy, all the time”

And I knew exactly what that meant.

One Thought And One Completely New Day…

So before I went to bed last night I made a conscious thought to change an everyday habit I’ve had for so long… I don’t know why I finally decided to commit to it then, but I did!! And it had impact unlike anything I expected…

I decided that I would no longer play Snooze-fest with my alarm in the morning, I’ve always wanted to be a morning person, but just never been one. So I made the conscious decision to move my alarm away from my bed so I had to get up before I just defaulted like every other morning!! Simple action yes, but the power of changing one habit, has truly amazed me.

So not only did I not snooze my alarm, but I actually woke up 5 minutes before my alarm… Can’t even remember the last time I did that. I didn’t even have to hear the high pitching ringing of the worst sound in the world… Okay, so I’m cheering for that… I actually woke up clear-headed – no groggy snooze brain, I was upright and thinking… Alert…

So my mind is saying…well what should I do with this abundant time…?? I don’t know of me ever having time in the morning to fill it with something for myself, I actually had spare time before the normal morning routine began… Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t 5am, the sun was up & it was 7:25am, but I had all the time in the world… No technology distractions, because I then decided that could wait until I actually started my work day… No point reading my work emails, whilst I’m making breakfast, getting kids dressed, getting myself ready to go…. I can’t do anything about it then anyway… It can wait & Facebook catch up that can probably wait too… I was ready to actually do something… So next thing I know I’ve decided to put on my shoes and go for a walk.. WTF??!?!

Is this an outer body experience right now…. I put my headphones in to listen to music to get my soul singing, and I looked up at the sun…. Wow the sun is glaringly bright at that time of the day, glad I’ve got my sunnies on…. Strolling down the street, thinking yeah, I got out of bed 5 minutes ago, and if someone actually spoke to me on the street I might actually be coherent and able to speak to them….

So a quick 10 minute walk around the block to get the heart pumping and the eyes adjusted to early morning light filter to the retinas… I’ve never noticed so many birds singing, and the amount of humans already reversing out their driveway to start their venture to work….  I was up yes, but I wasn’t already leaving the house to go to work, I got to enjoy the start of the day, collect my thoughts, and breath in the morning air….So cool, why didn’t I do this earlier??  All of a sudden I was planning for the next day and where I would walk and what I might see…  maybe I could do 20 minutes instead of 10 so I can enjoy it for longer…  Setting myself goals, there was no intent to do anything crazy like that…  Boost to the soul, yes you could probably say that!!

So I finally arrive home with one of the girls up… big kisses and cuddles, I acknowledge her morning sleepy eyes and bright smile first thing in the morning, and ready to tackle the deep and meaningful conversations that she is always wanting to have, because that’s how she wakes every day…  Usually I am not able to hear nor converse with her because I’m still in my snooze coma… I walk further into the house, and my other baby girl is just waking…So I get to give big snuggles before she’s even opened her eyes properly, Holy Moly, up before the kids, generally they were my alarm if I didn’t have the pleasure of hearing my favourite sound in the world go off first!et’s get everything organised and the day going…. I’m ironing the school dress, thinking wow, that’s some pretty good pleat marks today, are they usually that crisp?!!?  Good job…. I get myself ready, kids are up and happening, so I say to hubby why don’t we both take the girls to school & kindy today together…. Yeah as a family… what a brilliant idea… the girls will love that….  Even though one of the girls had a little meltdown over school bag of choice before we left, it could be addressed, spoken of and resolved as we weren’t pressed for time…Off we go… no banked up traffic, no watching the clock, school drop off has never been this easy or quick.  Is it because we are all together, and not in a hurry to be in two places at once??  Park straight out the front, wow didn’t think that was possible, thought that was just the leftovers for the early parents that had already dropped their children and on their way to work…

We get to the classroom block and there is heaps of kids outside, I’m thinking is there something special happening today, heaps of parents and kids around….  Nope…  the door is locked, it looks like the bell hasn’t gone off yet, we are early…. Early!! The bell goes off, it’s super loud a bit like my least favourite sound in the world…. A physical sound reminder to reconfirm the importance of time, why can’t it be singing or something uplifting??? And in we go first ones in the classroom…. Having a look at Ella’s amazingly beautiful reception self-portrait…. She certainly is very clever, must get that from her dad for sure….Then we get an early morning puppet show with the mouse, shark, and rabbit!!!  Too cute, reminded me when I was at school….  Off we go, it’s time for second drop off at kindy…..  Cruising up there we are perfectly on time, couldn’t have timed it any better even if we tried….  Into kindy, line up to sign in, and then it’s time to make shapes….and even some play dough time before it’s time to head home ready to embark on the day myself….

I’m home again by 9:15am, I have already spent some valuable time to myself to gain my thoughts, and not even yet think about the rest of the day and what I have set out to achieve, there will be the right time & place for that… I’ve spent time in nature seeing the world for what it is, not what I perceive it to be from the window of my home or car… I’ve had the chance to talk with the kids, be together as a family, see them both off at school and kindy and be a part of their day as they grow and learn into little versions of us.  I’m already dressed and completely good to go, my bag is packed and now I finally get out my phone to see what the day has to bring…. what emails are urgent?… well look at that nothing urgent, really why would there be anything urgent at this time of the morning..?? Other people are still waking from their snooze comas just like I usually was…  One foot in front of the other, because that’s all you can do at that time… Everything’s a rush and a blur because it’s hard to even focus…  No decisive action now, hopefully it will come later in the day… but maybe that later never really comes, because there was no early bird to catch the worm…. Day one first two hours has been exhilarating, it has already impacted my body and mind in a positive way to be as ready as I can be for the new day!!!  I’m feeling prepared, pumped, and I’m off to see what opportunities my day brings….  I feel open to see and hear what I need to for the day…

I felt like I had achieved more, felt more, saw more in less than 2 hours, than probably what I had in the last few days.  There was no urgency, no expectations, no stress, no pressure, it was just a casual morning… It was just amazing… hard to explain, it was like it was all in slow motion…  Surely mornings can’t be like this all the time?!!?  But if I repeat the same conscious thought I made today, then why could it be any different??… The other groundhog days were just a repeat of the previous thought I had to be a slave to my alarm clock…..I’m getting exciting…I’m thinking this is the best one thought I’ve ever had…..

As I get into work and talk with work colleagues, I’m not rush to get my laptop out, and start reacting to the ever-growing emails that hit my inbox.  I have time today, I already had plenty of time…. I sort out my priorities like any other day, knowing what I have to focus on and get done.  My inbox today is looking pretty boring, a few administrative tasks I’ve had marked to do for a couple of weeks still sitting there, a few follow ups for projects that are work in progress, but that can wait it’s my clients who can’t wait, they are the face of a transaction that means a lot to them.  I respect that, and understand that sometimes a day can feel like a week when you are waiting to hear the fate of something you wanting to achieve.  If my inbox and phone messages was just filled with my clients, it would be a pleasurable day every day..

Because as with any working day as people start their jobs to do list, I know full well, that any minute I will be distracted by someone else who is pushing their well stated and portrayed thoughts to me… not my near and dear clients, but other people who feel the need to fill my inbox with their hidden agendas…  Really…. by creating technology to save time and communicate quicker, we have in turn lost more time by having to delete the unimportant and spam emails that hit our inbox and just create chaos on a daily basis.  Most emails can be resolved quicker with a conversation, but people believe it’s a way to reach more people in a quicker amount of time….Do you really think that many people need to hear the same agenda???  If they do, maybe you are not explaining yourself well enough in the first place…But because of the time we spend on our phones for work, we also jump from one call to another, then continue to play phone tag, which is just another distracting part of working life, not just a game you can enjoy!  You miss a call, there is another email from someone else, or hang on, I finally spoke to a person on the phone and in the meantime missed 2 people’s calls and have another 6 emails in the inbox….It doesn’t take long to escalate!!!  Even a non-busy day can seem overwhelming hectic!!

But today, I’m not feeling any of that, I’m in the office earlier that normal and feel like I have more than enough time.  In my working world, that is not a norm, but today I just feel calm.  I set about my day, and unlike most days, I don’t feel I have any interruptions, I even have the ability to duck off to meet a client to sign some documents which I didn’t really anticipate.  Still no rush, but yet I maintain focus on each task at hand, one by one, they are done, I don’t even get up to have my normal ‘work distraction’ ….. I’m feeling like I’m in the zone, and it’s where I need to stay.  The day feels longer, and I’m not losing the hours and the rate of seconds.  Again, I feel like I am being able to just complete the task, not wait for very long for confirmation with a return phone call or text….

I can control my domain, and by doing that, I can control the output of work I am completing….  I’ve even been able to take half hour out of my day to have a personal call I have delayed for days because I haven’t been able to set aside the time I would have needed to adequately meet that conversation, and that was for family, sad reality I know.  I did make that time, and I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed or guilty by the time I ended it, or felt rushed to finish it quicker so I could get back to it.  I got back to my desk and honestly felt  that I was not completely behind schedule and didn’t have heaps of urgent matters to address… What a joy!!!  Whether it was just one of those days that wasn’t quite like the ‘norm’ but I am pretty sure it was probably just like most days (not the hardest days) but the difference was I had control over my thoughts and feelings…. and felt clear-headed from the moment I got up.  For me, it’s the reaction I make to any thought or feeling I have, that has the power to create the chaos.

I had set my perspective, expectations and attitudes to have all the time in the world because I truly felt like I did.  Today unlike any other day, I had gained two hours of quality output, and I didn’t feel like I was ever chasing that time back for the rest of the day… Because the most important time of the day I had experienced so early, was all I need to fulfill my inner self, so no matter what happened from that moment onwards it didn’t matter because I had pretty much reached 95% of my requirements already, and it felt like everything else was a bonus…  Sure I still had to work, which fulfills me in other ways, but I did that all day long, and in fact I probably took more of a personable approach to quite a few things today, because it wasn’t just like a robot to get things done, I could actually think and feel at the same time and convey that to my clients.  Sweet, what a ripper day!!!

Even after dinner and kids to bed I knew I had some work I had to do, but I also wanted to take time out of the end of my day to reflect, and make some further commitments to things I wanted to work on for myself.  But instead I started writing this, and I couldn’t have captured it any better.  I have pretty much completely documented an entire day, unlike anything I have done before.  I’ve done that not out of intention, but pure wanting to express what has transpired from just changing one thought & habit…very powerful stuff.  I know because of the context I have written this, one of pure honestly, and feeling, that this will be a changing day in my life.  I don’t know how, but this was the day I had been waiting for, for a very long time…It has probably been a build up of many life lessons I’ve been learning, but somehow it just managed to be, no expectation, no forcing it to happen, just one implemented change in thinking, and this is what has manifested… Truly amazing and inspirational…

I am proud that I hung in there until the end because I wanted to encompass all of this so I can read it again and remember, and resonate with it, because being able to relive these moments is what keeps you going forward.  Unfortunately, the human ego is still a part of me, it tries to sabotage me, and makes it want to revert to old ways of thinking and feeling, it’s a horrible, horrible monster, but it’s slowly fading the stronger I get, and the more awareness that I have of it….  If I feed the monster it will continue to grow and crush my spirit… I need to stop feeding it, and give my spirit what it needs to flourish and out grow the ego….  I know what I need to do, it’s just my ego that tells me not to do it because it knows it cannot survive the changes. I feel that it can no longer exist where I am led by who I truly am.  Nothing can compete with that….

I look at this one day out of my whole entire life, and if I can see so many realisations by my true self guiding me and making me feel it, I know it’s flooding back more than I ever anticipated.  And that’s all from one committed change… That’s awesome, and I am so very truly super dooper excited…  I can start to hear me roar!!!  I know who I am, that’s never changed, it’s just been deeply buried trying to be found, and I lost every possible key I had to unlock it.  All of a sudden I have the master-key, I feel like I am becoming aware of every single negative thought I feed myself.  And from there I can allow myself to start to heal…. At first you don’t want to hear it, who would, but you had to self reflect for the greater purpose… It’s been hard, gut-renching, confusing, confronting, and broken my spirit, but I know that it will be worth it by the end.  For the time will be when I can truly know me, love me, and then, radiate that love to others. What a truly beautiful day it will be.

How Spirituality and the Path to Enlightenment has Allowed Me to Truly Just Be…

If you had of told me six months ago that I would be spiritually awakened and living a life of true purpose and fulfilment, I would have called you crazy.  Not because spirituality is crazy, but because I didn’t even really know what that actually meant, or that a life like this could be possible.

 

I think that for anybody that has been determined to change their life from being in a very dark place, knows that finally making the decision to change is one of the scariest but liberating experiences you can have. It’s where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Unsure of the how, but taking the plunge that anything has to be better than this. It takes everything that you’ve never been before, to pull yourself out. Finally making a resolved decision to stop the pain.  Enough was enough.  The hardest thing is knowing that you can’t use the same mindset that got you into the mess, to get you out of it. So you have no other option but to discover new ways of thinking, new ways of doing, and to be completely open to things you never knew before.  I knew deep in my heart that I was not gifted this life to live like this.

 

 

Spiritually is not all the rah-rah that it may appear to be on the outside. It holds its own special place for those who embark on it. Some people are already on that journey without even knowing it. It’s different for everyone.  I found it so empowering in gaining awareness of my thinking, and how that influenced my life.  And more profoundly how old belief patterns that were formed from a younger age influenced the way I perceived the world. It’s what we put out to the “universe” that essentially creates the reality we live in, and the world as we know it. It teaches you to be one with what you think, feel and see. It has nothing to do with believing anything that is outside of ourselves. It is to centre who we are, go within and seek all we need from there. It is confronting; because you have to take responsibility for everything that is you, and all that surrounds you.

 

It was however, so liberating to know that I held the power within.  So coming from a place of sadness and despair, it gave me the inspiration to change all that I thought, going forward.  I had been able to empower myself because I only had to reflect inwards, and what I could change. There was no emphasis on other people, or circumstances, as that was outside of me.  All I had to do was focus on me. I could become exactly who I wanted to, and start living the life I truly wanted.

 

It has been one of the most empowering experiences, that has only been heightened by the connections I’ve made with other amazing people.  I’ve seen their pain and struggles, and they have seen mine, but confronting it head on and letting it go it so liberating. I’ve never felt so comfortable to be who I am, even when I was vulnerable and fragile. It was myself, trying to free the real me. Free to be home, where I could take the time I needed to heal and grow.  I put myself in places I would never had ventured before. You can gain so much knowledge and wisdom from other people and their stories when you’re open to listen.  Majority of the religions have their own Gods who they worship to set themselves free and grant forgiveness. I believe spiritually allows you to be your own “God” if you want to call it that, and become all of you.

 

I truly believe it’s time to stop “living” and to start really “being”. That is where the magic really happens. It’s in the now, not thinking of the past, nor the future. All we truly have is this moment, so embrace that.

 

Coming out of the darkness and now being light, I only want to help others become all they want to be. To be filled with joy, love and true fulfillment with all life has to offer. If someone told me I could live a life like this, I would have embarked on this journey of self discovery years ago, rather than enduring all the pain and heartache I created to wake myself up. But given where I am today, I would not change it for the world. I am truly grateful for the strength I have gained, and for where I stand now.  I stand proud and tall, because I did this, I created this, and this me, is the happiest version of me I’ve ever met. For the first time ever, I know who I am, and why I am here.

 

All my love and blessings,

J xxxxx