As with any new beginning in life, there must be an ending. There must be a goodbye, before there is a new hello.
Sometimes it feels incredibly difficult to let go of something you have held within for so long. But just like the ending of the caterpillars life, it must cease in order for the butterfly to transform. If the caterpillar held onto the ‘identity’ it had of itself it would never become the beautiful butterfly it was meant to be.
Upon the dawn of a new year, I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It’s not a sadness that my life is not what I want it to be, but a feeling that there is something that needs to be released within me. Like the ‘old self’ that I spent so much of last year changing. The identity that I’ve known myself to be for much of my life. It’s like saying goodbye to a trusted friend that can no longer continue on the journey with you. Although it may seemed to have been loyal and supportive, it no longer serves the person you are today. And it is hard to say goodbye. It’s hard because it feels like once you say goodbye, there is no going back from that.
So as I see in 2017, I feel drawn back to the memories of where I was this time last year. Where my world was absolutely falling apart. And although my life is completely different now, it feels like I never really said goodbye to that part of me. I never really acknowledged that ‘ending’ of the life that I lived for so long. So the beginning of 2017 feels like the perfect time to be present with that feeling, and acknowledge that ending. And to let the past go.
Not that long ago, I would try to reprise my feelings and bottle them up so I wouldn’t feel the pain. But this time I am allowing myself to go there. Because in order to heal it, you must “feel” it. If you don’t heal it, it stays in your spirit and will continue to come back in various ways until you are ready to acknowledge it and move past it. That’s why this has come up for me right now. The feelings have come up not to hurt you, but to learn from it and grow. Yes there is pain in growth, but that is where the magic lies. The magic lies on the other side of the pain. Much of the pain I held in 2016 served me incredibly well and has given me a completely new outlook on life. I wouldn’t have the beautiful life I have right now if I didn’t go through that. Because the thing with life is that it is ever changing to enable us to grow. Either something is starting, your riding through it, or something old is finishing. That is the cycle of life.
So as I sit with that feeling right now, I know exactly what it is I need to do. To listen to my inner voice and allow the emotions deep inside to come out. To finally allow myself so say goodbye. Once I’ve given myself the time to do that, I can then see the new beginnings for exactly what they are. Every day is an opportunity for something new, or to let go of what no longer serves you in your life. Yes 1st January is the beginning of the year, but it is a day just like all the other 364 days in the year. At any point, in any day of your life, you have a choice to create new beginnings or complete an ending. So today, the beginning of 2017, I am going to embrace my ending, and will allow my beginning to enter my heart when it’s ready. Because in order for me to continue on to the next chapter of my life, I must create the space for the new to come in.